PAINTERS WIFE & LOVER - 2010-11
I'm still going to know and feel it
But I'm so sorry for you.
I want to write to you, because I know that our crossings are not accidental
I want to explain to you.
I'm trying to stay awake, not just from this long pokemonie* ..
I need this distinction from all.
In the last few years I've gotten alienated from everyone and everything ..
I feel great distance and no one can see it and can not understand when I disappear.
They think I was angry, hungry or I don’t care at all.
It's hard for everyone to know ..
Even I do not know what the problem really is.
I'm not afraid of people, do not run, do not get me wrong .. it's very hard to explain ..
I want you to understand me.
I decided to be alone, to live in the shadows as a shadow.
I love daylight far away from the window, when it falls down on leaves, only to shape the shade,
The deep shadow that cuts into surfaces of things.
I do not like sea shore,
I do not like getting acquainted with people , names, surnames ..
I do not like summer, spring or laughter.
I would like to hide in the woods where the animals avoid each other,
I do not want to be recognized on the streets
And I do not remember them as if they were already past.
I need a lot of strength to be beloved, I've got only the simplicity.
That's what I want. to disappear.
I can not live here. couldn’t so earlier .. can not now. no longer.
I can not afford more pain .. You probably understand ..
I prefer to fight in the warhead, or get caught up in tsunami,
Rather than be captured in a normal human situation where everyone seems except me to be aware of the rules of behavior, the game.
I do not want to be your burden or adventure, I do not want to be close to you.
I'm getting close and I loose my relax.
So I'm sorry for the past wishful words,
I had to make a choice and choose to be a single old man with a separate socks and pare of fresh fish in the bag.
I want to go for a lot of reasons, I want to do it more than anything.
Want you to love me, from afar, and come to me sneakily, rarely.
We would spend long cold winter nights drinking liquor and talk about darkness, of the twilight that we both love so much.
I do not want to write regulations ..
I just want to be far away.
I want to be your secret.
Ill go back home by bus, melt in dark people, in their smell,
I want them to be like me.
I love you
Forgive me and hear me.